Children are inundated with meanness. That's what child-advocate and public speaker Kimber Bishop-Yanke told parents during a Tuesday evening workshop on bullies.

Bishop-Yanke led a workshop at Discovery Middle School called “Stop the Meanness, Spread the Kindness: Creating a Culture where Everyone Feels Welcome,” to dispell myths about bullying and offer parents ways to help their children defend themselves. She defined different types of aggressive behavior and the various ways children respond to them.

“Our kids are inundated with this meanness,” she said. “What happens is that it becomes normal. We would like a school-wide language toward bullying and aggression.”

In order to afford her fee, which was not disclosed, parent-teacher organizations from Bird, Smith, Dobson, Ibister, and Tonda elementaries pooled their money for presentation, which was open to parents from all the schools.

Bishop-Yanke used the term “empowerment toolbox” to describe the skills children need to properly understand and respond to aggressive peers.

The confusion picked-on children often feel when they are singled out by others, she said, often leads to self doubt and low self-esteem.

“Some kids don’t fit in naturally,” she said. “As parents, we have to go the extra mile to help them feel like they can fit in.”

Bishop-Yanke used the term “bully-proofing” to describe her method of helping kids react in a positive manner to being attacked, as opposed to slinking away from it and bottling up their anger.

Children can become more relilient by developing five qualities, she said: Connections, passions, friendships, achievements and a sense of purpose.

She stressed the importance of many friendships.

“A lot of kids just focus on one or two friends,” she said. “It’s a comfort thing. But kids could move away, or even turn on them. Bullies look for kids with few friends. Teaching kids to move in and out of friendship circles is important.”

Children who are inherently self-conscious or withdrawn tend to have difficulty developing and maintaining relationships, she said, which is why it's important to help them feel better about themselves.

Bishop-Yanke, who founded the Girls Empowered and Boys Empowered programs, referred to her approach as helping kids recognize their “bubble,” or their sense of who they are.

The smaller the bubble, she explained, the lower the expectations kids have for themselves. Their responses to bullying reflect that.

Children don’t always know the difference between aggressive behavior and what she called "meanness.” The difference, she said, is that those who intentionally hurt others are bullies. Those who hurt others but don’t realize it are behaving with relational aggression.

She defined relational aggression as behavior by someone who has been raised to feel that their aggression is not mean at all, but normal.

“Kids need a solid understanding of what to report, what is important and what is not,” she said, adding that children get confused because adults -- teacher or parents -- can advise a child to ignore bad behavior while other adults will take a more proactive approach.

“As a parent I feel like I have a few more tools,” said Bird Elementary PTO President-Elect Michele Cassatta, but she also said a district-wide program on bullies would have a bigger impact.

Ibister Elementary PTO president Sheila Paton agreed, saying she plans to suggest implementing Bishop-Yanke’s program to the Plymouth-Canton school district, in the hopes that broader support could spur a more positive approach to preventing bullying throughout the schools.

For more information on Bishop-Yanke's program, visit www.girlsempowered.com or boysempowered.com. Kimber Bishop-Yanke can also be reached at 248-757-0912, or by email, info@girlsempowered.com.